December is history and the calendar shows me that January is half way. I don’t know why, but January is always a strange month to me. Maybe it is because of the new beginning of the year. More important is that I want to learn from that feeling in life that everything feels too much as it isn’t my first time in life. When I look at the past weeks, my rhythm is changed. I go to bed late, sleep longer and skip my yoga practice. It just didn’t feel good to keep doing my yoga practice when I feel so much resistance against it. That isn’t a big deal, till now. Now, my life doesn’t feel so good anymore and my new created rhythm doesn’t serve me anymore.
That day, when I walked from my bed to the terrace, there was one kitten sleeping on my daybed. I was surprised because there were usually three.
Normally the group of kittens play with each other or with their own tail, running and jumping on everything that moves, you know the normal things that kittens do. It’s lovely to see. Often when I’m a witness of their games, I spend time with them. It’s so lovely to see them playing around and it’s almost a meditation.
That day I didn’t see the two other kittens. One was yelling for his mom and sisters. Even with his loudest yell and wherever he looked, he couldn’t find them. He felt lost and confused. I sat next to him but he couldn’t relax anymore. He stood up, started yelling again and tried again but nothing worked. It was easy to understand how he felt because we both felt lost. Than I heard his mom somewhere yelling and we were both sitting straight to listen where that sound came from. When the kitten answered his mom they walked happily in each others direction. They layed down on the grass and mom gave him all the love (and food) he needed. I lay down next to them and mom yelled at me which felt as a thank you to take care after her baby. It was a pleasure to see how the eyes of the kitten changed. They were sparkling again and it was as if he couldn’t remember the hours before.
There was an important life lesson to learn for me and I realized that at the moment when I saw the happiness in the kittens eyes. I realized what I had to do to break the circle of feeling ‘lost and confused’. It was so simple…. Going back to my Essence, my safe basis, come home in myself by doing my yoga practice. That’s how I can get back to the endless love of the universe like the kitten felt when he found his mom again.
It’s ok, when you don’t feel the energy or sense to keep doing your good habits day in day out. As long as the break serves you, it is good. Play with it and enjoy it for that moment. It has a function, for sure! Feel what happens, get conscious of the rhythm. But at the moment you start to feel lost, it doesn’t has a function anymore and it’s time to go back to your true inner self, your Eence. Soon you will be home again.